Yep, I definitely have a case of them lol. Not in a manner such that I am in a bad mood or anything. More like, I REALLY don’t feel like working and am having an extremely hard time getting motivated to do anything close to work. So, in an effort to kickstart some kind of activity, I figured I’d write a little something, so as to not be a complete vegetable. And speaking of writing –
Why is that every time I read something I wrote a while ago, I find myself thinking, “wow, I used to be such a good writer! What happened?” In this case, I read something I posted on Quora back in 2015, an answer to a question someone had about what to do if you are experiencing an existential crisis, and the answer I wrote was fantastic! Honestly, I don’t that I could even put together such phrasing and vocabulary today. It’s almost like I read it and think, “who wrote that..?” I wonder if other writers experience this same thing? And it’s not something new – it’s been happening for years. Which I guess means that I must maintain some kind of writing skill, otherwise at some point, when looking back, I would think “oh, yep – there’s where I started losing it..” lol.
I suppose it all boils down to whether I’m writing to simply stay busy, like in this post, or I’m writing because I’m truly inspired, as in the answer on Quora. And I would suppose that posts like this are good, even if just to “keep the wheels greased,” to stay in practice, so that when I do get struck with inspiration, I’m ‘in shape’ if you will.
And it definitely happens in spurts. I was all gung ho about blogging a month or two ago. I was on fire, thinking this was it – this was the time that everything was going to come together; my blog was going to be successful and well known; I was going to attract hundreds, maybe thousands of followers; I was going to get enough readership that I could retire from my normal day job and write full time. I had an clever, catchy name, my own domain, some good marketing strategies figured out, and I was going to blog like crazy – post every day, or at the very least every other day. I was truly energized and motivated. And I did post daily for a while. And I did get a couple of followers. But the fire started to abate a bit, as did the likes and follows, and…. you get the idea.
But all is not lost – not at all. I still own the domain name, and I still think it’s a good one. I believe that someday, it might still catch on. I’m still writing, albeit mainly for myself, but that’s ok too. I want to write for the enjoyment, not for profitability or popularity. And I’ve discovered a group that appeals to me very much, and I am becoming an active member in it – seeking to become a member of something instead of trying to start my own thing. And that feels really good. And more than anything, what’s most important to me is my continued spiritual development. This blog is a part of that, and its true value to me is to serve as a place to share my thoughts, even if just with myself, to give them a life outside of just my head, so I can release them as it were.
Oh, and of course, I want to record for posterity all of the cool advancements in quantum physics, AI, CRISPR, etc, so I can have a repository of information on scientific advances that I believe will contribute to the dawning of something truly new in the development and evolution of humanity – biological and otherwise. Can’t forget that! Oh, and magick – I definitely want to record any magickal, mystical, or otherwise coin-incidental experiences so I can look back on them whenever I’m in doubt and remind myself that magick is real, that life is a mystery, and that coin-incidences still happen. May the Divine Mystery that so inspires continue to reveal itself to me and all who seek that we may grow closer to it and to our true selves.